Should you be making the most of National Unfriend Day?

National Unfriend Day

Yes, you’ve read it right. There really is such a day as National Unfriend Day. Celebrated on November 17, it was started in 2014 by American TV host Jimmy Kimmell, whose view is that we collect “friends” on social media only to become infected with their shares, their videos and their opinions, when, in reality, we hardly know them. He is not far wrong.

And yes, the day is really a bit of fun. But in my view, it also has a serious side which is worth exploring. When it comes to using social media in the workplace, every employer will have their own opinion and it is not my job to expound on that here. Some may feel that any social media usage is not for the workplace and ban it outright; others may take the view that some social media time provides an easily accessible and useful balance which is a reward for working hard. Or employers may feel that having any kind of policy just encourages underground usage that will, in the long run, create an unhealthy counter-culture causing more problems than it solves.

That is for business leaders to decide. But I think it is fair to say that social media does have its challenges in terms of the mental health of users. And when someone receives a blow to their already fragile self-esteem at work, productivity is likely to go downhill. It is amazing how passive unhappiness can spread without a word spoken, infecting everyone with negativity. The problem is rooted with the unhealthy ways that many people use social media, which fall, broadly, into the following:

Having a moan to get attention … any attention

We’ve all seen people putting up posts such as these. When I moan, I do it to get attention or gather round supporters of my cause. As a result, I feel listened to and supported. Sometimes I just want attention, no matter how I get it, and I may have to be provocative.

Pretending our life is amazing

Again, all too common. Pictures of my beautiful little children having performed amazingly in the ballet/concert/gymnastics display/football match, anyone? Sharing the perfect pictures of a supposedly perfect life means people are often putting a gloss over some pretty tough times and poor decisions. But hey, that’s fine, as long as I look good.

Criticising and judging from a distance, thus perpetuating conflict
When I criticise and judge others I can only do that from a position of superiority and when I do this I am often either starting or perpetuating conflict. Conflict, I would add, that if I was in the same room as you I would not start.

Sometimes, even bullying

When I join the crowd to criticise, demean and undermine anyone I am participating at some level in bullying.

It is fair to say many of us are often braver on social media. But all of these uses are factors in self-esteem. They are ways of being listened to, respected and admired. The problem is that these boosting mechanisms tend only to last for a short time, before more is then needed to feed that growing, needy monster which is our view of ourselves. Before long, people’s lives get dominated by social media and they are spending large amounts of time comparing themselves to others and attacking them. This, in my view, is unhealthy behaviour. The important thing to remember is that it is self-esteem we’re talking about here, and the clue is in the word ‘self’. It should come from within, not from comparisons to others.

Personally, I have rules I try to adhere to on social media. I am by no means perfect and I am not setting myself up as such, but I find these rules help me to behave in a healthier way. They are:

  • Never say on social media what you are not prepared to say to someone’s face
  • Never share personal information that you would not be prepared to put up on a screen in a crowded public place for all to see.
  • When criticising others, ask yourself how you would feel if you were on the receiving end and whether you are doing this to help them or boost your own failing sense of self-esteem.

I think social media should come with an emotional and mental health warning: if your self-esteem is not healthy, do not use this as a way to get your fix. It is addictive and, in the end, it won’t work.


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Julian Hall

Julian Hall is Director and Founder of Calm People, experts in emotional resilience, stress, conflict and anger management. 20 years experience working in challenging corporate environments and dealing with change programmes, Julian uses his knowledge to support organisations and employees to take advantage of increasingly changing and moving business environments.
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http://www.calmpeople.co.uk

Julian Hall is Director and Founder of Calm People, experts in emotional resilience, stress, conflict and anger management. 20 years experience working in challenging corporate environments and dealing with change programmes, Julian uses his knowledge to support organisations and employees to take advantage of increasingly changing and moving business environments.