Series eleven kicked off on BBC One last night. Having been going for over ten years now and with another new face as Lord Sugar’s right hand man Nick Hewer bid farewell with far sterner Claude Littner replacing him we may have been mistaken in thinking things could be different, alas this was not the case.
Travelling in by boat, plane and automobile this years contestants are very similar to last years, and possibly every previous year. All with huge ambition, ideas that will earn Lord Sugar £300m and swiss army knife analogies that bare no resemblance to the actual person, within two minutes I was hiding behind a cushion on my sofa wishing it all to end.
After the usual introductions and the history of how Lord Sugar made his fortune the contestants headed off on a fishy task at Billingsgate market, cue the stupid comments from the chaps on outselling the women and the women not wanting to touch the fish (made worse by the women not wanting to touch the fish!).
The aim if you hadn’t guessed it already was to buy some fish and sell it at a profit. After a team discussion that left Claude wanting to sit in a dark room team versatile went for Coley (cheap cod) for fish finger sandwiches, and squid (very cheap squid) for calamari. After a rough start the PM for the task, Selina Waterman-Smith led Team Versatile to victory with a profit of £200.29. I presume having a background in performing arts and the circus set her well to deal with her team.
Team Connexus, meaning united in Latin and apparently if you say it really fast it sounds like connects us (and makes you look like an idiot), were not so lucky. Their PM, April Jackson may have had her team under control at the start, all be it sort of in the style you expect from a dictator. However, once they hit the kitchen it all went the shape of the pear, or a jumbo fish cake. After missing peak lunch time trade and deciding that is was probably best just to ignore the PM Team Connexus made a total profit of £1.87!
After bringing in the skipping salesman Dan (who didn’t sell anything), Brett (the swiss army knife of business) and of course April, it was decided that after not selling anything, holding up production with basic maths (and I think skipping) Dan was fired.
In all honesty Dan was far too nice to be on this show and Lord Sugar was probably doing him a favour in getting rid now before real harm was done to the poor guy.>